Heck's Cafe

by CM Jenkins

Downtown is a deserted island on the weekends without games and festivals. So we understand why the city restaurants follow suit in certain sections and simply don’t open.

The problem is your hunger doesn’t care that it’s 9am on Sunday and NOTHING is open while you attempt to run a quick errand.

Enter “Heck’s Express”, the place that says “You want it and we know you want it.” It’s very much true, I wanted that sweet sweet classic style breakfast of bacon, eggs, potatoes, and toast! Except I was downtown and the idea of spending $15 on bacon and eggs is disgusting.

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Heck’s Express had the perfect combination of fast and cheap, which you know is one of my things.

 I walked into Heck’s Express and instantly knew this was supposed to make you feel like you were in Ikea but specifically the Ikea that knew how to simplify that Cleveland feel into one space. I instantly notice the yellow accent wall surrounded by dark grey bare walls, the lack of “flare” hanging has been sectioned to random placements of fake grass, and a few couch-like chairs mixed in with some metal ones and wood ones. One associate is loving her life and the other is “just” at work. I am very fortunate the one enjoying life calls me to her register.

I order the Ohio City Breakfast and ask about the “Beet Latte” to which the cashier shook her head and mouthed “No”. Thanks for looking out! As I sat down I realized that the lack of flare was bad. When I dine alone I often look around me and staring at nothing makes time move by slowly. Even my phone was too busy to entertain me.

As I dazed off into the dark grey walls of the abyss I heard my name called and leapt up like a lion hunting a gazelle. It was TIME. I give this breakfast a solid 4 stars, or 8 out of 10. Depends on which scale you like to use. It came with fresh-cut tomatoes, crispy bacon, and the hash browns were chopped up fries. I LOVE FRIES! The crispier the better. 

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My only issue were the eggs were super runny. I’m one of those “over medium” people and it drives me insane when it’s not even attempted, hence the 4 stars.

On my way out I order the lavender latte. While making my drink the barista asks me which coffee Im waiting on and at the same time we say “Lavender Latte”. We share a smile and he turns around and puts more lavender syrup in it. This makes me laugh because the latte as was is good enough for other people but it needed “sweetened” for me. I thank him for my latte and leave, ready to try and finish that errand. 

Here’s the thing, there is nothing special about Heck’s Express and that’s what makes it a nice place to go to. Everyone inside of the place was in their late 20’s-50’s and just trying to find something to eat downtown. The mixture of locals and non-locals was pleasing and no one harassed my ears with loud conversations.

I’m sure during the week this place is a different story but if you’re like me and you find yourself downtown on a Sunday hungry just go to Heck’s Express. Your wallet won't be disappointed.

Have you been to Heck’s? Share your thoughts below