Opinion: Exploring the ‘Hard Wig, Soft Life’ Trend- TikTok’s Take on Black Content Creators’ Pursuit of Wealthy Partners

Written by Jillian Holness

The hashtag “hard wig, soft life” has been trending on TikTok with Black content creators ditching their 30-inch bustdown wigs and laid edges for stiff, crunchy wigs, hoping to find a rich white husband to give them a soft life. 

This theory started in 2022 as a joke with TikTok user @damnafricawhathappend, lying in bed and saying “No one can pull a white millionaire like a slim Black woman with a bad wig.”

The fashion and makeup TikToker has deleted the original video from her profile. However, hundreds of other users have used her audio in their content, ranging from silly skits to serious think pieces that analyze this theory.

TikTikoker, @thatyayalady thinks this theory is true because women with low-quality wigs are seen as carefree and fun.

“She’s fun. She’s charming. She doesn’t give a damn,” YaYa says as she points to Irene Malin, a British-Cameroon actress, model, and activist, and her husband, oil and gas tycoon Sam Malin. The couple was featured in a documentary called “Britain’s Flashiest Families.”

Most straight white men don’t hyper-fixate themselves on women’s hair because neat and put-together hair isn’t a vital standard of beauty in their community. This is evident with the popular 2010s  messy hair bun trend that was started by white women and doesn’t seem to be going away anytime soon now with the revival of the claw clip. 

Wealthy white men also take body type and weight as a higher priority compared to hair.

Before becoming the self-proclaimed, “Queen of Ingress Abbey,” a reference to the Malin’s impressive neo-gothic country house, Irene was a model and met  Sam at a fashion show. She is also a mother of nine kids and posed nude on the cover of the Czech Republic’s Playboy magazine four months after giving birth to her eighth child.

In a 2016 published study by researchers at Chapman University, men with higher incomes showed stronger preferences for women with slender bodies. 84% of men with advanced degrees said it was essential that their partner was slender versus just 12% of those with a high school education or less.

For Black women looking for a man with money, this means not being afraid to sweat out your silk press at the gym. Losing weight also helps to expand your dating options across different races of men. Having a pretty face or as many TikTokers like to call, a face card that never declines and going to the hair salon every week will only get you so far in the dating game if you’re obese. Being a healthy weight also helps Black women integrate better into wealthier communities.

The phrase, “You can judge someone by the company they keep” is very true. Men of substance and means aren’t spending their weekends at clubs and hookah lounges with Sexyy Red and Cardi B blasting from the speakers. 

Wealthy men are big into philanthropy and will host and attend charitable events. Irene has helped her and her family rub shoulders and network with their fellow elite through her charities the Gay in Africa Foundation and IM Life which focuses on relieving poverty through Sub-Sahara Africa. 

It’s disgraceful and completely contradictory to #softlife, that in 2024, Black women are criticizing and policing each other’s hair when we had others do it for centuries. During the 1700s, the Tingon Laws forced enslaved and free women to cover their hair with a tignon headscarf. Most recently, the CROWN Act, a federal law that banned natural hair discrimination in the workplace and school, passed legislation in 2022. 

Women like Irene have the wit, charm, and looks that attract the wealthy. Reducing her to a skinny woman with a rough wig gives off bitter and jealous mean-girl vibes.