by Laylah Allen
Mother’s Day is nearly here, que the cards, flowers, and brunch outings. Some of us are racking our brains to pick the perfect gift. Others are looking forward to a day of recognition from children, grandchildren, friends, and family. This is all great, it’s tradition. However, I’ve come to find that tradition has a way of revealing or exacerbating unhealed places in our hearts and minds. This year, let’s expand this tradition by practicing emotional awareness of the spectrum of individuals who find Mother’s Day to be particularly difficult. If Mother’s Day brings sadness, disappointment, shame, regret, or grief, this article is written with you in mind.
The spectrum
In true millennial form, I took to social media to connect with individuals that categorize Mother’s Day as a difficult time. I realized the spectrum of reasoning behind distaste for the holiday is wider than I assumed.This includes individuals who have experienced loss, sense of rejection, loneliness, estrangement, and even sympathy pains for their own mothers. While we celebrate and shower loved one’s with gifts, save some flowers for your loved ones who can use love and compassion too.
How can you help those who find Mother’s day difficult?
Practicing emotional awareness of others. This year, make a conscious effort to promote acknowledgement and acceptance of unique emotions towards Mother’s Day without judgement. This requires heightened levels of sensitivity and patience. It may not be an easy task in every situation. However, these efforts are necessary. Here are a few suggestions.
1. Practice mindfulness of the emotions of others. Avoid conversations and terms that may put your loved one in the position to relive a traumatic experience.
2. Give hugs. When you hug a loved one, the body releases oxytocin, which scientists call the “cuddle hormone.” This hormone lowers blood pressure to help relax and calm anxiety. Science also shows that hugging for at least 20 seconds ensures the release of the cuddle hormone.
3. Ask how you can make this day easier. We’re not mind readers. Don’t be the person who assumes. Be brave and gentle. Explain why you’re asking. Only ask if you’re 100% committed to following through. If you know you can’t do exactly what’s asked, say so immediately. Then probe to see if there is something else you can do. Keep your promise.
4. Send a self-care package. Select thoughtful items that promote calmness, peace. Suggested items include journals, fluffy blankets, scented candles, hand-written cards, engraved bracelets, etc.
5. Acknowledgement. A small gesture of acknowledgment can brighten someone’s day. Option B There has created a special line of free e-cards to help send a heartfelt message to those who need it most this Mother’s Day. Simply click the card to email it to a loved one directly from this page. You’ll be able to add a personalized note before you send. You can send as many as you’d like. Be sure to explore this website, you’ll find expert-backed advice to help navigate the day and support the people in your life who are going through a hard time.
How to mentally prepare yourself for Mother’s Day?
1. Journaling. Start with finding a quiet, clear space. Writing about your feelings in the moment will help increase clarity of your emotions and thoughts. Avoid reliving the play by play of events. Read your writing aloud. How do you feel about your words? After that, ask yourself, “How can my experience help someone else?”
2. Make plans. You’re not banned from love and compassion on this day. Don’t let the holiday hold you hostage in isolation. Spend time with those who love and care about you. You deserve to experience love and joy. Don’t you ever forget it.
3. Shift your view. Instead of only harping on what you missed out on or do not have, focus on what the special people in your life. Focus on your good qualities that you have to offer to your loved ones and community.
4. Connect with Mother Nature. This is a wonderful way to slow down and shut out the noise. Take a walk through the park. Soak up some sunshine. Walk barefoot in the grass and breathe fresh air. Such activities are great for calming your thoughts and recharging your body.
5. Practice gratitude. Make a list of 10 things you’re thankful for. Make it a point to include good things that may only be there simply because of your experience. There is power in spotting the silver lining.
If you find Mother’s Day to be particularly difficult, you are not alone. Your feelings do not make you wrong or ungrateful. Your emotions are valid. At Black Girl Media, we want you to know that we are thinking of you. We hope you find a source of calmness during this time.